Daffynitions are Joe’s method of turning weirdness into an art form. They began as a type of therapy shortly after Joe’s wife Lisa gave birth to twin daughters. Operating on minimal sleep, Joe began to amuse himself by writing these goofy little definitions that provide more accurate and entertaining descriptions than Noah Webster ever imagined. You definitely won’t find any of these Daffynitions in other dictionaries. Click here to subscribe to the Daffynition-a-Day email program. Here are a few of Joe’s favorite Daffynitions from the 3500+ that he’s written. Sabbatical: a Latin word meaning "I quit, but you won’t know it for sure for a year." Motivation: having a healthier defeatist attitude than your co-workers. Old: when you don’t recognize either the host or the musical guest on Saturday Night Live. Inertia: a basic law of physics stating that a body at rest will remain at rest until the boss walks into the room. Golf: yelling fore, shooting six and writing down five. Diet: a brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds. Happiness: seeing your boss’ face on the side of a milk carton. Regret: making the final payment on the engagement ring three months after the divorce becomes final. Macho: someone who jogs home from a vasectomy. Paradox: saving for your children’s college education while still paying for your own. Cuisinart: the appliance you use to torture Mr. Potato Head. Refrigerator: the garbage disposal’s waiting room. Sidesaddle: how men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world. Sandcastle: the only beachfront property in your price range. Influential: receiving an honorary degree from the university that kicked you out as a sophomore twenty years ago.